One year ago today we spotted our first snake in the garden bed out front: an Eastern Garter (Thamnophis sirtalis sirtalis). I love snakes, particularly Eastern Garters. Growing up in the early 80s, I lived in a townhouse complex next to a big brownfield that was behind a Towers/Food City plaza. Those stores don’t exist anymore and neither does the brownfield — it was replaced by another townhouse complex in the 90s. That brownfield was my idea of heaven....
I am dependant. The truth is that none of us are independent. However, I am more dependant than most. This is one of the hardest parts of my illness to confront, in part because I grew up in an abusive household where any small need was a burden that was met with violence. I learned at a young age to hide and deny my human vulnerability and needs. I had to depend on myself for basic survival and also...
The good news is it looks like we will be able to extend our stay in this place until 2023, which means we can do some gardening here this growing season.
Those of you who follow my art making account on Instagram will notice I haven’t done any encaustic in a while. Unfortunately, my health has plummeted, again, as it does every year around this time, and encaustic work requires a certain baseline amount of energy that I don’t have. I’ve had to adjust to art forms that are doable from bed. Encaustic is definitely not one of them!
I’m disabled. I know I’ve used the word before, but there’s still much resistance, the result of an internalized ableism that I’m still trying to disentangle from 6.5 years in. I resist because I know that culturally, societally, my value has diminished and using the word feels like handing over a weapon to use against me.